Mid Week Melancholy by Bobbi McGee

 As a trucker’s wife I face unique challenges on my own, but over the years I have learned to overcome most of them. Tonight we are discussing a rarely mentioned challenge but it’s right here nonetheless. I’m talking about the mid week melancholy that often comes over you when your driver is still out on the road, but you expect them home over the weekend. When the middle of the week slows down to a crawl and it is still days before they come in off the road. At that point, it’s been days or weeks since you’ve  seen one another, and no matter what modern society says, a video chat on a smartphone is no substitute for human interaction. When your driver calls home, you want to catch up on things, and try to be positive. There is nothing worse than feeling sorry for yourself, being negative or adding additional pressure on someone who is working away from home and probably already feeling guilty for all the things they have missed. They focus in on those old “to-do” list items that are being put off, or bills that are coming due. My husband has learned not to make any promises because everything can change in a moment doing this deal. The guilt a driver feels over missed birthdays and anniversaries can cause anxiety and dangerous distraction. 

When we first married it was hard for me to be positive when my husband would call in from out on the road. I often felt forgotten or like he didn’t really miss me since he was so busy he did not mention my absence when we spoke. I would resent being left behind while it seemed he was out “seeing the country.” Once I found a tiny notebook in his cab with notes of different towns, and exits, I asked him what it was, he told me, “it’s things I drive right by that I want to go back and see later with you.” 

It took a few years for me to understand that the list of things on his mind plus the moment by moment attention it takes to stay safe, care for his equipment, always look a mile down the road and plan strategically on when and where to stop, watching that clock, hoping for an area that is safe and might even have a bathroom, can be overwhelming. Today’s professional drivers have more responsibility heaped on them than ever before and topping that list is the increase in defensive driving due to other distracted drivers. Mobile technology, while convenient, causes accidents.  Add to that so many drivers, when they finally do stop, are playing office aid by reading company messages sent through the ELD, or text, personal email, filing paper work, communicating with dispatch or brokers, and always planning ahead for the next load. Distractions come in many forms and even though technology can make some things easier, it can also cause more stress and make you feel more isolated when you log on to social media and see all the things your friends and family are doing in your absence. 

I want my driver to know I miss him and I support him when he calls and that I am trying my best to understand. I know many drivers who skip dinner or settle for a fast food calorie blowout simply of convenience, lower cost, or just to save time. The responsibility of equipment care, preventative maintenance, walk arounds, sudden changes in weather, driving in a new area or delivering to a particularly difficult location, traffic jams, unfamiliar detours, DOT Inspections, open scale houses; the list is very long. It has made all the difference as a spouse at home to understand more of the things going on in the cab of his truck during the week.

It is hard to love a man who gets paid to leave, but over time educating myself on his daily reality while over the road, has made it so much easier for me to extend him a little extra grace. When the mid week blues come, and the silence in our home becomes too loud, it is in those moments that I remind myself to focus on our future. I stay busy, stick to a schedule and try to keep the house organized. I know whatever I can accomplish while he is away provides more free time I can spend with him once he is home on layover. 

Trucking is not just a career, it’s a lifestyle and if you love a trucker, you better have a hard shell. I am thankful for the special men and women who sacrifice of themselves to do an often thankless job, which keeps America open for business. They are a special breed of people, they are the original “essential employees.”